New Moon, New Shit

What's a better way to celebrate a new moon cycle than to discuss a new personal cycle! In a matter of 4 months after making major changes to my love life, It impacted so many facets of my experience. I was in a dark place emotionally but the universe kept on giving! I mean doors were swinging the hell open. It was a sure sign that the situation and the damage it caused me was divine. I assumed I was starting all over. Starting over in my love life, my location, my finances. Everything changed. Especially with a pandemic at large. I swear I was lost. Some of the thoughts that ran through my head. "My blog, business and finances were finally taking off..." "My relationship was popping!! We only needed to go to counseling to fix where it was weak." "Was packing my things and separating myself, the best decision? Was leaving my job, my home and my son's father necessary?" " I stuck to my guns but what now? "What do I tell the people who are following my journey?" "What will they think?" I decided to continue telling the truth.

After leaving, I broke down internally. As a result, I was physically sick to my stomach from the stress. I was throwing up, often feeling really heavy and faint. I didn't let that funk dictate my decisions though. I knew that I needed to adapt. First, I needed to make peace with being in Texas. Yes, Texas. I left my cute little cozy independent California lifestyle. To spend time with family, focus on my peace of mind, emotional wellbeing and continue stacking coins for my new place. Things had gotten ugly between my son's father and I. He wanted revenge more than he wanted a peaceful co-parenting relationship. He stopped at nothing and this required me to financially invest in protecting my sanity and peace. I left with only three bags on a plane. The only things of mine in the bags were about 3 pairs of tights. 4 dresses and notebooks. Where I was headed, I had no intentions of staying. I just knew my relationship was going to get better after this reality check. After I make it clear what my boundaries were. I will get into the details of that later.

This post is not about my relationship. This post is about what happened with me after my relationship ended.. I surrendered to all of the sudden changes. It took a whole lot of tears. One day I admitted to God how angry I was. I was pissed with God. Yes, I told him. Why not? It's not like he didn't know? What I didn't know is God was waiting for me to admit it. Once I made peace and accepted my true feelings, I was given confirmation that my leaving was absolutely divine!! I felt I did not deserve any of this after all I've already been through. I remember the night I fell to my knees in the shower and I asked God to protect me. I asked God to protect me in every aspect. I also said, God, I walked away from my job. I'm gonna run out of money.

After that day, I got up off of my ass and I put in work. I started off by waking up at 4:30am every single morning to meditate and lightly exercise to make it a habit. I also did this to improve my mood and to get my blood flowing. This literally was like 5 to 10 of each exercise I could think of. I also listened to affirmations. I was working on the intricates of my business. Ironically, one day, while writing a list of things I needed for my business, I thought to myself, "If I had the money...." my phone rang. I won't mention who it was. But this phone call led to a temporary contract opportunity that resulted in me making a little over 1k weekly. I literally cried like a baby. It was in that moment, I knew that my journey, here was far from over and where I was, was where I was suppose to be. I was able to plant so many seeds for myself and my business. However, I still needed to heal. That's when I committed to the healing journey. I began fueling my soul. Be on the look out for the healing gems in my next blog post!!